A Most Nauseating Dinner

A Most Nauseating Dinner

     Mom and Dad asked if I could come to their home and advise them what to do with their daughter.

     Desiree was turning 18 in two months.  They described her as uncontrollable,  argumentative and defiant.  In fact, Desiree had dropped out of high school and run away from home.  But they didn't want that to become public or church gossip.

     I began searching for someone who might know of her whereabouts.  My oldest Son had heard through the pipeline that she was staying with a family from another church several hundred miles away.

     I was able to leave a message that I'd drive to her current town just to talk if she'd agree to meet with me.  We met at a fish and chips restaurant and her warm hug gave me hope we could make some sense out of the separation from her parents.

     "Desiree, I've known your mom and dad since before they were married.  I've attended the same church with them but don't know them really all that well.  They told me how concerned they are about you and miss you very much.

     "Excuse me," she said as she hurried to the Rest Room.  When she returned she'd obviously been crying and her composure was unsettled.  She continued, "I didn't know you'd be getting so personal. I'm not comfortable with that.  Maybe I should just g..."

     Seeing her emotional state I wished I hadn't been so direct.  "Desiree, I've known you since you were born and have always loved you and my family does also.  You know that... so please forgive me for hurting you... but I hope you won't leave.  I've driven for hours to get here because I truly care about you."

     She shifted her body in the chair, took another drink and dipped a french fry in catsup.  "I was glad when you said you're coming just to see me.  It's a long story but I just can't take it anymore.  If I hadn't left I don't know what would have happened but it wouldn't have been good."

     Trying to read between the lines I wondered what deep, dark skeleton was in their closet.  I grew quiet as I pondered why she said something bad would have happened had she not left.  I was not prepared for what she was about to divulge.

     "I think everyone's blind to what goes on in my home behind closed doors," tearfully she whispered.

     "Can you share just a bit with me?"  Two couples were chattering at a nearby table so I leaned closer as I couldn't hear her very well.

     Her eyes welled up with tears.  "What does your family eat on Sundays after church?" she asked.

     Where o' where was Desiree going with this?  I had no idea.

    "Sweetie that varies.  You know I love pizza.  And we all eat Kentucky Fried Chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy.  My wife's meatloaf is the best on the planet.  Why do you ask?"

     "Her face contorted into a twisted sarcastic hardness, her voice accelerated and she asked, "What do you think our family eats every single Sunday?  Do you have any idea?"

     Not waiting for my response she suddenly snapped, "We have boiled elder and fried preacher.  I cannot recall any Sunday when my Mom and Dad didn't berate and gossip about anyone and most everyone. I've never heard them say, 'Boy that was a good sermon or anything nice.  I think they're hypocrites!  I had to get out of there before I exploded."

     I knew I was in over my head and asked the Lord to give me wisdom to know what to say and the kindness to help her through this.  I clearly hadn't suspected this was what had caused her to leave home.

     Suffice it to say this didn't get resolved that night.  It took several more visits and two very uncomfortable meetings I had with her parents.  When enough time elapsed and she visited her family I was told it felt very awkward at first but a lot of apologies and forgiveness was on the menu that day.

Epilogue

Hypocrisy

     The Scriptures are replete with teachings about setting good examples and being continually on guard against unchristian behavior.  I am cautious to call anyone a hypocrite though sometimes it is necessary to confront a person whose action is hypocritical.  Certainly Peter was not a "hypocrite" but he did act hypocritically a few times.  In Antioch the apostle Paul had to confront Peter for bad hypocritical conduct that was leading several Christians away from the truth.

     I suspect the most familiar Bible verse to many unbelievers is:  “Judge not, or you too will be judged." (Matt. 7:1, NIV).

     Jesus went on to warn that judgemental people may very well be hypocrites.  "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."  (Matt. 7:2-5, NIV)

     To list the number of hypocrites discussed in the Bible takes a computer.  To list the number of hypocrites in churches today is not my assignment.  That will be the task of the angels when the Lord returns in the clouds according to two of His parables.  In Matthew 13, His disciples questioned the meaning of two of his most sobering teachings:  The parable of the Weeds and the Parable of the Drag Net.

"As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age.  The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil.  They will throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.  Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father.  Whoever has ears, let them hear. (Matthew 13:40-43, NIV)

“Once again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net that was let down into the lake and caught all kinds of fish.  When it was full, the fishermen pulled it up on the shore.  Then they sat down and collected the good fish in baskets, but threw the bad away.   This is how it will be at the end of the age.  The angels will come and separate the wicked from the righteous and throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."  (Matthew 13:47-50, NIV)

    Honest hearts and sincere consciences will repent of hypocritical behavior.  Sometimes as a counselor, I've had to confront hypocritical behavior and/or thinking.  The old adage is so true: Thoughts lead to behavior.  Behavior leads to habits.  Habits lead to destiny.  Destiny leads to eternity.

Critical Temporary Assignment

     Some parents forget that children are, when you ponder it carefully, a temporary assignment.  Though there are exceptions to the norm the Lord assigns us the awesome and terrifying task of training our children from an early age until they're adults.  Once they can make it on their own we're to bless them and send them forward to build their own homes.

     God even created most animals to be caring parents until their young can make it on their own.  Kangaroo joeys stay in Mom's pouch for about 8 months and when they are out they suckle for a couple of more months.

     Majestic eagles typically have two eaglets.  Eaglets can't fly and are fed by their parents until they're about 3 months old.  Since eagle wings often span 6 feet, four in a nest is quite crowded.

     Mom and Dad don't push their eaglets out of the nest.  Instead when the parents think they're old enough to make it as a fledgling they quit feeding them.  That's usually about 10-12 weeks and then the eaglets anxiously test their wings... they're hungry.

     So if we are going to be successful at parenting we need to be dedicated to our children from day one.  I can't count the number of Moms who are still weeping over their grown child who will have nothing to do with Jesus.  Or the number of Dads who have disowned their own offspring.  How tragic, sad and the opposite of God's plan for our parenting.

     I'll never forget a dear friend who told about his childhood.  He said, "After Mom tucked me in for the night sometimes I'd get up to go to the bathroom.  When I did I'd hear voices.  So one night I quietly peeked into the living room. I'll never forget what I saw.  My Father and Mother were down on their knees praying... for me and my brother."

     Is it any wonder that the two boys became Ministers?

Were I The Perfect Child of God

T. Alonso and M. Mahler

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